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Dear Me,
Has your curiosity killed you yet? Or have you killed your curiosity? You know one of you has to die right?
Well, anyway everyone has to die so I’m sure you’re not really worried about that.
Let me guess, with an optimistic mind, you are a famous musician, a writer, you have changed the world and all of its naive close minded definitions, you have married the girl of your dreams and most importantly you are fine.
Let me tell you about now, or more correctly, remind you about now, and about how life is now-a-days.
Let’s see, you’ve almost recovered from your borderline on your own, but it still haunts you very often. Your friends don’t really like you and think you’re crazy because you are so different from “normal people”. You dream about the time when you will have perfect relationships. And you hate the way your borderline magnifies your pain when you see that the girl that you like is with someone else, You shouldn’t be feeling that engulfing pain and heartbreak, for God’s sake you’re only 17 and you know things will change.
You know, even as a kid, you were as deep as a Fucking well, she is the only one girl who more or less listened to you…and When she is not with you, its not just sadness, its bloody pain and you can do nothing about it.
You have stopped smoking weed for a while now and spend the nights rolling in bed, awake in pain instead. You know the importance of every moment and the beauty around you but you somehow fail to acknowledge it (and you acknowledge the fact that you fail to acknowledge it). So You wreck your brains and tear your heart to live each day like its your last but fear always better of you. You hold on just by thinking that time will change things someday.
You’ve spent hours in the library since you were 12 reading about mental illnesses and drugs hoping they could change something and mostly because you were so damn fascinated by them. And curiosity is currently nagging you to be a junkie. Yeah, believe it or not, you seem to be dying to shoot up now….craving before addiction…let’s not try to see what lies ahead. You want to live like one and see what it feels like…
Days of mania and depression come and go but you hope that it never leaves you.
You hate depression and all…but you secretly love those feelings now. They fill you up with the divinest sense and you can see what others can’t…you like that.
You don’t really have a plan for your future but you have your dreams with you. You know that everyone is going abandon you until you rise to the top but you’re not really prepared for it.
You love music, especially the deep music like many of Chuck Schudliner’s songs and those by Amon Amrath, Megadeth etc
You hate pop or and most things that are popular because they seem so bland and boring. You hate the whole pop culture. Because you find them so naive and stupid listening to those pop and techno, electro and what not but if Avril lavigne makes pop songs then she is an exception (and a few others too).
Oh…can you write back? Some future technology developed over quantum physics or something may have permitted it Right? Oh or maybe those laws don’t permit that…you know humans right …I’m sure if someone finds out that technology like that exists in the future then they won’t work as hard and it will never come into existence …they will form a black paradox instead.
Well, catch you later. This was just one of those letters that I’ll write to you from now. I do hope you read these someday!
Farewell.
MV